Posted by: James Atticus Bowden | March 10, 2014

Home Alone

Not this, but a different kind of home alone

Not this, but a different kind of home alone

I’m home alone.  But, I’m not a kid.  Nor contending with comedic burglars.  Home in a new home – alone.  41 years ago I lived alone in an apartment in Fayetteville, NC, but I was dating – engaged on and off a couple of times – to this girl.  I wasn’t really alone.  We shared every season that followed until this Spring. 

Today I drove home the last leg from everything that had to be done after my wife’s burial on Feb 21st at Arlington National Cemetery.   It was 7 hours from my classmate Ward Bursley’s home, brotherhood and hospitality.  Every mile heading home was a mile I last drove with my wife.  The empty seat beside me wasn’t silent.   It spoke to me about how “it” all is now.  “It”  is life.  I didn’t start crying until the last 40 minutes.  Then, the tears rolled. 

Twice during the trip this song played when I searched for music.

http://youtu.be/Pq9fbvrW2lM

We would have sung the chorus together.   Like the other old Country Gospel songs we knew from our childhoods.  Those times together are over.  Grateful for the memories.  Grieve for her  loss.  And, facing this new future head into the wind.  

The moment I got to my new home, here is what I faced.

Home, March 10th, 2014

Home, March 10th, 2014

 I know.  Wow.  What beauty.  What peace. 

Indeed, in this place of beauty and peace – until my daughter and 3 grandbabies move in for months – I will do what I must do from rising to resting.  Day by day. 

I’m not really home alone as much as home without my wife.    The Comforter is with me. 

I will do all my duties in the hierarchy and web of relationships that’s my life.  I’ll be me for them.   I’ll read and write.  Perhaps, Good Lord Willing, if our former home sells soon and I come to terms with a builder in short order,  then that writing will be done from a new upstairs study.  I reckon 6 or 7 months if all goes well. 

I’m ready for whatever the Lord wills.

Home alone selfie

Home alone selfie

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Responses

  1. Your journey is not over James. It’s God’s will you will get through this, by and by. God’s blessings on and in you, forever.

  2. Jim – I think we only met once or twice in my Virginia days, once on the elevator headed up to a TMG meeting for sure, but I’ve been really touched by your writing about your wife. I can’t even imagine what you are going through. For whatever it’s worth, know that there is at least one person you met in passing years ago that has you in thoughts and prayers.

  3. d
    Jim,

    Joyce LaSala shared your site with me.

    I am truly sorry for the passing of your wonderful bride. There are no words of comfort that are adequate at this time. I would like to thank you for your grand words of praise for your wife and for being a devoted husband these many years. Also your words of praise for our great Redeemer are greatly appreciated.

    God bless,

    Dick Leibert
    USMA ’72

  4. My heart and my emotions continue to be “pricked” by your willingness to share your grief will all of us. I knew from the moment I met you in person Jim, that you were a devoted Christ follower and someone I desired to get to know. Thanks again for sharing your Katherine with us, and your lives together in the ministry of the Gospel of God. What a blessing it is to know that you and your bride will someday be reunited to the presence Jesus.


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